The Colbert Report
Season 5 • 01/27/2009
Philippe Petit will never have a tombstone.
Obama's New Science Policy - Chris MooneyThe Colbert ReportS5
Chris Mooney thinks scientists are going to be much closer to Barack Obama than they were to George W. Bush.
Intro - 1/26/09The Colbert ReportS5
An executive order shuts down our secret prisons. Now where will we get our secret license plates?
Stephen's Secret PrisonThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen is forced to release Omar after his secret prison is shut down.
1-877-SEAN-930The Colbert ReportS5
Call 1-877-SEAN-930 if you were offended by anything you heard on tonight's program.
Bill O'Reilly Doesn't Report RumorsThe Colbert ReportS5
Bill O'Reilly will not report on rumors of Caroline Kennedy having an affair.
Intro - 1/27/09The Colbert ReportS5
President Obama appears on Arab TV and it's not "CSI: Abu Dhabi."
Omar ReturnsThe Colbert ReportS5
If you love something, set it free from the secret prison under your desk.
Cheating Death - Lung HealthThe Colbert ReportS5
If air with fewer particles will extend your life for five months, logically air with no particles should extend it indefinitely.
Al Arabiya Kidnaps ObamaThe Colbert ReportS5
President Obama is held hostage by a terrorist group calling themselves the Al Arabiya television network.
Philippe PetitThe Colbert ReportS5
Philippe Petit isn't courageous -- he's following his passion.
Call 1-877-SEAN-930The Colbert ReportS5
If you're offended by Holocaust deniers call 1-877-SEAN-930.
Intro - 1/28/09The Colbert ReportS5
The House passes the $800 billion stimulus plan. China, could we interest you in a slightly used Oregon?
Countdown to Atomic Disaster - The Wing-AgeddonThe Colbert ReportS5
Watching the Super Bowl without a plate of chicken wings is like making love without a plate of chicken wings.
Goodnight Illinois Gov. Patrick QuinnThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen says goodnight to Illinois Governor Patrick Quinn.
Intro - 1/29/09The Colbert ReportS5
All 177 House Republicans say no to Obama's stimulus package. Shh! Don't tell them they don't control the House anymore.
Sport Report - Chicken Wing Spokesman Richard LobbThe Colbert ReportS5
Richard Lobb has advice for the man who has to choose between frying chicken wings and educating his kids.
John PodestaThe Colbert ReportS5
John Podesta believes that in the last nine days Barack Obama has shown he can make progress.
Rod Blagojevich Is ImpeachedThe Colbert ReportS5
Rod Blagojevich is impeached even after appearing on all the talk shows.
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