The Colbert Report
The Mayo-lution Will Not Be Televised
Season 5 • 10/15/2009
Stephen proves that mayo is the illest condiment with an extreme ad.
Sign Off - Should Have Put a Ring On ItThe Colbert ReportS5
If you liked tonight's show, then you should have put a ring on it.
Yahweh or No Way - Legislation Prayers & Fake Shroud of TurinThe Colbert ReportS5
Special interest groups pray on issues like health care, and an Italian scientist makes a fake Shroud of Turin look like Cher with a mustache.
The RZAThe Colbert ReportS5
The RZA wants everyone to know that the truth shall set you free from all things.
Pat Roberts Warns Against Health Care Box CanyonThe Colbert ReportS5
Pat Roberts is concerned that health care reform is full of spending quicksand, cactus tax hikes and policy briar patches.
The Obesity Epidemic - Amy FarrellThe Colbert ReportS5
Amy Farrell believes the American government is misguided when it focuses on the obesity epidemic.
Sign Off - Stephen Unveils a New PortraitThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen unveils his brand new portrait on the four-year anniversary of The Colbert Report's first episode.
Tip/Wag - Coal Lobbyists, George Takei & CrispyconesThe Colbert ReportS5
A coal lobby represents non-existent Americans, George Takei threatens the sanctity of game shows, and Crispycones are too easy to eat.
Jerry MitchellThe Colbert ReportS5
Thanks to Jerry Mitchell's investigations, four people have gone to jail for crimes they committed in the civil rights era.
Intro - 10/15/09The Colbert ReportS5
The Dow hits 10,000, Stephen taps into the youth culture, and Jerry Mitchell investigates unsolved crimes from the civil rights era.
The Money ShotThe Colbert ReportS5
Just in case you didn't get enough of that hot stock exchange session, Stephen has the uncut version on DVD.
The Mayo-lution Will Not Be TelevisedThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen responds to Miracle Whip's advertising campaign with his own extreme ad for mayo.
Cornel WestThe Colbert ReportS5
Cornel West criticizes Barack Obama out of concern for the poor and working class people.
The Word - Don't Ask Don't TellThe Colbert ReportS5
The petition signers who want to overturn the "everything but marriage" bill should be able to stay in the closet that the gay people have abandoned.
Stephen's Sound Advice - How to Get a JobThe Colbert ReportS5
Once you get a job interview with Stephen's celebrity endorsement, you'll want to grow a mustache.
George Will's Long TieThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen has to restore balance to the universe after George Will starts wearing long ties.
Sign Off - Don't MoveThe Colbert ReportS5
Don't move so Stephen can always remember you staring at him.
Colbert Platinum - Harvard Billionaires & Red Diamond SUVThe Colbert ReportS5
Harvard produces the most billionaires, and a Russian car company releases a diamond-encrusted SUV with whale penis leather interior.
Sign Off - Goodnight?The Colbert ReportS5
Brian Cox will be on tomorrow, unless this is a rerun.
Intro - 10/27/09The Colbert ReportS5
The Catholic Church reaches out to former members, and Gail Collins talks about the modern American woman.
Gail CollinsThe Colbert ReportS5
Gail Collins describes the last 50 years of progress made by American women and the new issues they face today.
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