The Colbert Report
Sign Off - Don't Move
Season 5 • 10/26/2009
Don't move so Stephen can always remember you staring at him. Stephen wants to remember you staring at him.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sign Off - Stephen Unveils a New Portrait
Stephen unveils his brand new portrait on the four-year anniversary of The Colbert Report's first episode.
The Colbert ReportS5 Tip/Wag - Coal Lobbyists, George Takei & Crispycones
A coal lobby represents non-existent Americans, George Takei threatens the sanctity of game shows, and Crispycones are too easy to eat.
The Colbert ReportS5 The Mayo-lution Will Not Be Televised
Stephen responds to Miracle Whip's advertising campaign with his own extreme ad for mayo.
The Colbert ReportS5 Jerry Mitchell
Thanks to Jerry Mitchell's investigations, four people have gone to jail for crimes they committed in the civil rights era.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 10/15/09
The Dow hits 10,000, Stephen taps into the youth culture, and Jerry Mitchell investigates unsolved crimes from the civil rights era.
The Colbert ReportS5 The Money Shot
Just in case you didn't get enough of that hot stock exchange session, Stephen has the uncut version on DVD.
The Colbert ReportS5 Cornel West
Cornel West criticizes Barack Obama out of concern for the poor and working class people.
The Colbert ReportS5 The Word - Don't Ask Don't Tell
The petition signers who want to overturn the "everything but marriage" bill should be able to stay in the closet that the gay people have abandoned.
The Colbert ReportS5 Stephen's Sound Advice - How to Get a Job
Once you get a job interview with Stephen's celebrity endorsement, you'll want to grow a mustache.
The Colbert ReportS5 George Will's Long Tie
Stephen has to restore balance to the universe after George Will starts wearing long ties.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sign Off - Don't Move
Don't move so Stephen can always remember you staring at him.
The Colbert ReportS5 Colbert Platinum - Harvard Billionaires & Red Diamond SUV
Harvard produces the most billionaires, and a Russian car company releases a diamond-encrusted SUV with whale penis leather interior.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sign Off - Goodnight?
Brian Cox will be on tomorrow, unless this is a rerun.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 10/27/09
The Catholic Church reaches out to former members, and Gail Collins talks about the modern American woman.
The Colbert ReportS5 Gail Collins
Gail Collins describes the last 50 years of progress made by American women and the new issues they face today.
The Colbert ReportS5 George W. Bush's Motivational Speech
Stephen would have loved to attend George W. Bush's "Get Motivated" seminar, but he couldn't afford the $4.95 admission fee.
The Colbert ReportS5 Holy Water Under the Bridge - Randall Balmer
Randall Balmer refuses to join the Catholic Church because he's suspicious of any religious group that defines itself in negative terms.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 10/28/09
Stephen finds out what broke the largest particle accelerator and preps for his interview with Brian Cox by watching "Baby Einstein" tapes.
The Colbert ReportS5 The Word - You-Genics
Your baby will never be denied health coverage for being too fat or too skinny if you mate with an insurance company CEO.
The Colbert ReportS5 Joe Lieberman Is a True Independent
Joe Lieberman proves he's independent of his Connecticut constituents by opposing a public option in health care reform.
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