The Colbert Report
Season 3 • 08/01/2007
Stephen gets the Nation the ultimate 30-minute anniversary present.
Rupert Murdoch Purchases The Wall Street JournalThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen wonders if Rupert Murdoch has instead taken over Reuters, who were first to report the story.
Wrist Violence EpidemicThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen continues to attack films that show wrist violence and calls on Hollywood to stop showing such acts.
Smokin' Pole - Arc! Who Goes There?The Colbert ReportS3
Now is the time for America to deploy its undersea army of hermit crabs to fight back Russia from claiming the North Pole.
Kathleen Kennedy TownsendThe Colbert ReportS3
Kathleen Kennedy Townsend explains how the Christian Right has shrunk God and made America not care about the common good.
Intro - 7/31/07The Colbert ReportS3
In this episode, Russia lays claim to the North Pole, Democrats accuse Alberto Gonzales of perjury and guest Kathleen Kennedy Townsend talks about what happens when you mix politics and religion.
The Word - College CreditThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen is all in favor of a new system of charging higher tuition for certain college majors and has some additional ideas of his own.
When Animals Attack Our Morals - Hollywood PigeonsThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen recommends that Hollywood stop putting their pigeons on the pill and start teaching an abstinence-only curriculum.
Intro - 8/1/07The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen thinks an infestation of pigeons is Michael Bay's latest summer blockbuster.
Dr. Jerry VizzoneThe Colbert ReportS3
The master of the metacarpals, Dr. Jerry Vizzone, joins Stephen to talk about wrist violence.
Michael BeschlossThe Colbert ReportS3
Michael Beschloss explains why historians don't immediately judge history as soon as it happens.
30-Minute AnniversaryThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen wishes the Nation a happy 30-minute anniversary, but wonders where his present is.
Michael BeheThe Colbert ReportS3
The father of intelligent design, Michael Behe, joins Stephen to explain his role as the Albert Einstein of Charles Darwin.
ThighMasters for the TroopsThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen is appalled that the defense department would undermine our troops' self-confidence by sending them ThighMasters.
Intro - 8/2/07The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen warns his monkey viewers that the father of intelligent design will be joining him on the show.
Rick MacArthurThe Colbert ReportS3
Rick MacArthur explains how NAFTA should be renamed the North American Cheap Labor Agreement.
Sport Report - Barry SmashThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen gives Alex Rodriguez some advice from his Little League days to help him hit his 500th home run.
SuperhighwayThe Colbert ReportS3
Mitt Romney feels the idea of a NAFTA superhighway cutting through the U.S. is just an urban legend that he is strongly against.
Better Know a Protectorate - American Samoa - Eni FaleomavaegaThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen finds out that the Representative from American Samoa is against the nuclear bombing of Pacific islands.
Sign Off - Colbert CommonsensicalsThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen wants his Colbert Commonsensical to be put on a poster with a snowy white mountain or something.
The Word - The Dark SideThe Colbert ReportS3
In order to win the war on terror, we need to use tactics that we should not even be able to conceive.
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