The Colbert Report
ThreatDown - Bats
Season 3 • 08/13/2007
Stephen gives chaos-causing bats a firm warning in terms they can understand.
Tip/Wag - BloombergThe Colbert ReportS3
If a billionaire mayor can't get out of jury duty, then what hope do the rest of us have?
Intro - 8/9/07The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen sits down with filmmaker Judd Apatow and takes a fair and balanced look at the upcoming presidential candidates.
Judd ApatowThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen commends Judd Apatow on casting a man no woman in her right mind would ever want to sleep with as a 40-year-old virgin.
The Word - ClarityThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen gives each presidential candidate impartial treatment -- from an American hero like Fred Thompson to a money-grubbing Ken doll like John Edwards.
Sign Off - ToenailsThe Colbert ReportS3
Don't forget to clip your toenails before you go to bed.
The Word - White GuyThe Colbert ReportS3
With Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton presenting some serious competition, Stephen suggests that John Edwards declare himself a black woman.
Rove ResignsThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen is having a few problems with prescription painkillers. He's hearing voices and having hallucinations like bats and the resignation of Karl Rove.
Michael JacobsonThe Colbert ReportS3
Michael Jacobson stops by to seriously bum out Stephen about pepperoni pizza, Cheddar Combos and pretty much everything else that he loves to eat.
Sign Off - Americone DreamThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen gives a quick plug for Americone Dream and says it's delicious with salt.
Intro - 8/13/07The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen tries to introduce the show but freaks out. He can't find his camera and he can't find his pills.
ThreatDown - BatsThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen warns us about loose monkeys, bats that set off fire alarms, an androgynous panda bear and Karl Rove.
DNA: Could It Happen To You? - IncriminationThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen discovers he is the next in a long line of famous people who have DNA.
Jerry MillerThe Colbert ReportS3
DNA freed Jerry Miller after 26 years in prison. Stephen presents him with a card.
Dr. Spencer WellsThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen's grandfather collected over 100,000 issues of National Geographic
DNA: Could It Happen To You? - JackknifeThe Colbert ReportS3
When a tanker truck full of Formula 401 jackknifes, Stephen decides to learn more about DNA.
The Word - PotentialThe Colbert ReportS3
Alberto Gonzales could become a one-man justice system, like RoboCop.
Sign Off - Doctor's OrdersThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen thinks the e-collar his doctor instructed him to wear is totally unnecessary.
Jewish Colbert AncestryThe Colbert ReportS3
If Stephen's Jewish grandmother had testicles, she would be his Jewish grandfather.
Michael WallisThe Colbert ReportS3
Michael Wallis is the author of "The Lincoln Highway," which goes from San Francisco to Times Square. Stephen assumes it's for shuttling gay people to Broadway musicals.
Intro - 8/15/07The Colbert ReportS3
In tonight's episode, Stephen discusses driving with author Michael Wallis, and Alberto Gonzales gets the power to fast track executions.
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