The Colbert Report

The Word - White Guy

Season 3 • 08/13/2007

Being 5'11" and spending $400 on his hair puts John Edwards in line to be a black woman.

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05:40

The Colbert ReportS3
Tip/Wag - Bloomberg

If a billionaire mayor can't get out of jury duty, then what hope do the rest of us have?
08/09/2007
00:32

The Colbert ReportS3
Intro - 8/9/07

Stephen sits down with filmmaker Judd Apatow and takes a fair and balanced look at the upcoming presidential candidates.
08/09/2007
05:19

The Colbert ReportS3
Judd Apatow

Stephen commends Judd Apatow on casting a man no woman in her right mind would ever want to sleep with as a 40-year-old virgin.
08/09/2007
04:15

The Colbert ReportS3
The Word - Clarity

Stephen gives each presidential candidate impartial treatment -- from an American hero like Fred Thompson to a money-grubbing Ken doll like John Edwards.
08/09/2007
00:16

The Colbert ReportS3
Sign Off - Toenails

Don't forget to clip your toenails before you go to bed.
08/09/2007
02:38

The Colbert ReportS3
Rove Resigns

Stephen is having a few problems with prescription painkillers. He's hearing voices and having hallucinations like bats and the resignation of Karl Rove.
08/13/2007
07:04

The Colbert ReportS3
Michael Jacobson

Michael Jacobson stops by to seriously bum out Stephen about pepperoni pizza, Cheddar Combos and pretty much everything else that he loves to eat.
08/13/2007
00:19

The Colbert ReportS3
Sign Off - Americone Dream

Stephen gives a quick plug for Americone Dream and says it's delicious with salt.
08/13/2007
05:49

The Colbert ReportS3
ThreatDown - Bats

Stephen warns us about loose monkeys, bats that set off fire alarms, an androgynous panda bear and Karl Rove.
08/13/2007
00:15

The Colbert ReportS3
Intro - 8/13/07

Stephen tries to introduce the show but freaks out. He can't find his camera and he can't find his pills.
08/13/2007
03:00

The Colbert ReportS3
The Word - White Guy

With Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton presenting some serious competition, Stephen suggests that John Edwards declare himself a black woman.
08/13/2007
01:20

The Colbert ReportS3
DNA: Could It Happen To You? - Incrimination

Stephen discovers he is the next in a long line of famous people who have DNA.
08/14/2007
06:22

The Colbert ReportS3
Jerry Miller

DNA freed Jerry Miller after 26 years in prison. Stephen presents him with a card.
08/14/2007
05:27

The Colbert ReportS3
Dr. Spencer Wells

Stephen's grandfather collected over 100,000 issues of National Geographic
08/14/2007
05:58

The Colbert ReportS3
DNA: Could It Happen To You? - Jackknife

When a tanker truck full of Formula 401 jackknifes, Stephen decides to learn more about DNA.
08/14/2007
03:35

The Colbert ReportS3
The Word - Potential

Alberto Gonzales could become a one-man justice system, like RoboCop.
08/15/2007
00:44

The Colbert ReportS3
Sign Off - Doctor's Orders

Stephen thinks the e-collar his doctor instructed him to wear is totally unnecessary.
08/15/2007
01:45

The Colbert ReportS3
Jewish Colbert Ancestry

If Stephen's Jewish grandmother had testicles, she would be his Jewish grandfather.
08/15/2007
05:37

The Colbert ReportS3
Michael Wallis

Michael Wallis is the author of "The Lincoln Highway," which goes from San Francisco to Times Square. Stephen assumes it's for shuttling gay people to Broadway musicals.
08/15/2007
00:30

The Colbert ReportS3
Intro - 8/15/07

In tonight's episode, Stephen discusses driving with author Michael Wallis, and Alberto Gonzales gets the power to fast track executions.
08/15/2007
01:46

The Colbert ReportS3
Monkey on the Lam - Oliver

Beware! A monkey escaped from the Tupelo Zoo after he picked the lock to his cage again.
08/15/2007
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