The Colbert Report
The Word - White Guy
Season 3 • 08/13/2007
Being 5'11" and spending $400 on his hair puts John Edwards in line to be a black woman.
The Colbert ReportS3 Tip/Wag - Bloomberg
If a billionaire mayor can't get out of jury duty, then what hope do the rest of us have?
The Colbert ReportS3 Intro - 8/9/07
Stephen sits down with filmmaker Judd Apatow and takes a fair and balanced look at the upcoming presidential candidates.
The Colbert ReportS3 Judd Apatow
Stephen commends Judd Apatow on casting a man no woman in her right mind would ever want to sleep with as a 40-year-old virgin.
The Colbert ReportS3 The Word - Clarity
Stephen gives each presidential candidate impartial treatment -- from an American hero like Fred Thompson to a money-grubbing Ken doll like John Edwards.
The Colbert ReportS3 Sign Off - Toenails
Don't forget to clip your toenails before you go to bed.
The Colbert ReportS3 Rove Resigns
Stephen is having a few problems with prescription painkillers. He's hearing voices and having hallucinations like bats and the resignation of Karl Rove.
The Colbert ReportS3 Michael Jacobson
Michael Jacobson stops by to seriously bum out Stephen about pepperoni pizza, Cheddar Combos and pretty much everything else that he loves to eat.
The Colbert ReportS3 Sign Off - Americone Dream
Stephen gives a quick plug for Americone Dream and says it's delicious with salt.
The Colbert ReportS3 ThreatDown - Bats
Stephen warns us about loose monkeys, bats that set off fire alarms, an androgynous panda bear and Karl Rove.
The Colbert ReportS3 Intro - 8/13/07
Stephen tries to introduce the show but freaks out. He can't find his camera and he can't find his pills.
The Colbert ReportS3 The Word - White Guy
With Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton presenting some serious competition, Stephen suggests that John Edwards declare himself a black woman.
The Colbert ReportS3 DNA: Could It Happen To You? - Incrimination
Stephen discovers he is the next in a long line of famous people who have DNA.
The Colbert ReportS3 Jerry Miller
DNA freed Jerry Miller after 26 years in prison. Stephen presents him with a card.
The Colbert ReportS3 Dr. Spencer Wells
Stephen's grandfather collected over 100,000 issues of National Geographic
The Colbert ReportS3 DNA: Could It Happen To You? - Jackknife
When a tanker truck full of Formula 401 jackknifes, Stephen decides to learn more about DNA.
The Colbert ReportS3 The Word - Potential
Alberto Gonzales could become a one-man justice system, like RoboCop.
The Colbert ReportS3 Sign Off - Doctor's Orders
Stephen thinks the e-collar his doctor instructed him to wear is totally unnecessary.
The Colbert ReportS3 Jewish Colbert Ancestry
If Stephen's Jewish grandmother had testicles, she would be his Jewish grandfather.
The Colbert ReportS3 Michael Wallis
Michael Wallis is the author of "The Lincoln Highway," which goes from San Francisco to Times Square. Stephen assumes it's for shuttling gay people to Broadway musicals.
The Colbert ReportS3 Intro - 8/15/07
In tonight's episode, Stephen discusses driving with author Michael Wallis, and Alberto Gonzales gets the power to fast track executions.
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