The Colbert Report
Season 9 • 10/09/2012
Indie rock legend Morrissey rails against Queen Elizabeth II, the royal wedding and carnivorism.
Obama's Debate Apathy & PBSThe Colbert ReportS9
President Obama acts like he doesn't want to debate, and the Alpha Mitt plans to can Jim Lehrer and Big Bird.
Sign Off - Welcome Baby Brumm!The Colbert ReportS9
Stephen's writer sends a story pitch during his first day with his new daughter.
Koch Brothers & Orc Senate CandidateThe Colbert ReportS9
Charles and David Koch pledge $1 million to Arkansas House Republicans, and Maine state Senate candidate Colleen Lachowicz gets slammed for her gaming hobby.
Intro - 10/8/12The Colbert ReportS9
A new minority forms, campaign attacks target personal hobbies, and Mark Kelly plugs his children's book, "Mousetronaut."
Unemployment Below Eight PercentThe Colbert ReportS9
The Bureau of Labor Statistics cooks the books for Barack Obama while his government-mooching allies get off the couch and go to work.
Mark KellyThe Colbert ReportS9
Former astronaut Mark Kelly recalls the Endeavour's final mission, Stephen's shuttle landing and the story behind "Mousetronaut."
Intro - 10/9/12The Colbert ReportS9
Russia sets its sights on the North Pole, Mitt Romney sends a warning to Iran, and music legend Morrissey stands up for animals.
Mitt Romney's Vague, Long-Winded Foreign ThreatsThe Colbert ReportS9
Mitt Romney proves he knows what Americans want in international relations: a few extra wars in Syria, Iran, Afghanistan and Libya.
President Obama's Obsessiveness PleaThe Colbert ReportS9
In the face of Mitt Romney starting to run for president, President Obama reveals his desperation during a California fundraiser.
Smokin' Pole - The Quest for Arctic Riches - China & RussiaThe Colbert ReportS9
Greenland officials see through China's sudden interest in their country, and Russia makes its holy mark on the North Pole.
MorrisseyThe Colbert ReportS9
The former lead singer of "The Smiths" talks about the Queen's Diamond Jubilee, radical vegetarianism and his song "Meat Is Murder."
ThreatDown - Apple Fan-Bears, Drunk Cars & BearsThe Colbert ReportS9
Bears choose FaceTime over eating people's faces and discover that Americans are most vulnerable at the mall.
Naomi WolfThe Colbert ReportS9
Naomi Wolf explores low sexual desire among women, vaginal anatomy and America's outdated cultural script on sex.
Sign Off - "Vagina: A New Biography"The Colbert ReportS9
Stephen reads up on female anatomy.
The Word - MeducationThe Colbert ReportS9
Since America can't afford all the teachers it would take to give children personal attention, doctors recommend psychostimulants to improve kids' grades.
Beverage-Based Polling & Pizza Toppings Town HallThe Colbert ReportS9
The 7-Eleven coffee cup poll has a margin of error of "Mormons can't drink coffee," and Pizza Hut promises one town hall questioner free pies for life.
Intro - 10/10/12The Colbert ReportS9
America's education system finds answers, highways encounter trouble, and Naomi Wolf talks about her book, "Vagina: A New Biography."
Chrystia FreelandThe Colbert ReportS9
In her book "Plutocrats," Chrystia Freeland argues that today's global economy allows the super rich to disregard the American middle class.
This Changes Everything - Obama's Martian GaynessThe Colbert ReportS9
Rumors of President Obama's secret gay Martian past emanate from a top-secret government space teleportation program.
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