The Colbert Report

Intro - 12/5/05

Season 1 • 12/05/2005

Why must we honor people so lazy they spread their achievements over a lifetime?

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Watching

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04:49

Richard Clarke
The Colbert ReportS1

Former counterterrorism czar Richard Clarke discusses his new book of fiction, "The Scorpion's Gate."
12/01/2005
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02:15

Giant Gold Washer
The Colbert ReportS1

The Winter Olympics are Stephen's favorite time of the every four years.
12/01/2005
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01:31

Face Transplant
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen honors the heroes who toil to plump our sunken cheeks, hoist our drooping buttocks and thread serrated plastic sutures through the fatty layers beneath our necks.
12/01/2005
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04:04

Tip/Wag - Seattle
The Colbert ReportS1

Something crashes in Seattle, and this time it's not Windows 98.
12/01/2005
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04:03

Kennedy Center Honors
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen doesn't understand why Ted Kennedy gets to decide who the best artists are in this country.
12/05/2005
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02:37

This Week in History - December 4th-10th
The Colbert ReportS1

Prohibition ended when Utah ratified the 21st Amendment -- no surprise considering the booze-drenched land of debauchery Utah has become.
12/05/2005
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01:51

Colbert Nation Citizen Award
The Colbert ReportS1

Lock your doors and windows, America. There's an escaped criminal on the loose.
12/05/2005
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05:21

Maureen Dowd
The Colbert ReportS1

Maureen Dowd proves that when you send a woman to do a man's job, they wind up abolishing men.
12/05/2005
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01:50

Apology
The Colbert ReportS1

Bobby breaks away from the pack in the horserace of shame.
12/05/2005
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03:49

The Word - XMas
The Colbert ReportS1

Wishing a non-believer "Merry Christmas" is no different than inviting a foreign exchange student to a Fourth of July barbeque
12/05/2005
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00:37

Intro - 12/5/05
The Colbert ReportS1

Tonight, Stephen covers the Kennedy Center awards and asks Maureen Dowd if he's necessary.
12/05/2005
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05:53

Anderson Cooper
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen is getting tired of all the comparisons between himself and Anderson Cooper.
12/06/2005
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02:35

The Word - Backsies
The Colbert ReportS1

The free ride is over now that corporations are adopting the beloved childhood ritual of backsies.
12/06/2005
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00:31

Season of Giving
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen frowns on nameless acts of charity because they're the coward's way out.
12/06/2005
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07:00

Better Know a District - Virginia's 8th - Jim Moran
The Colbert ReportS1

There is nothing Stephen can do to get Jim Moran to take a swing at him.
12/06/2005
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00:09

Fract - The Star Spangled Banner
The Colbert ReportS1

It's a common misconception that Francis Scott Key wrote "The Star Spangled Banner."
12/06/2005
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00:38

Intro - 12/6/05
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen Colbert introduces tonight's topics, including Americans dying poor and ABC's new anchors. Plus, Representative Jim Moran and Anderson Cooper stop by.
12/06/2005
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00:36

Intro - 12/7/05
The Colbert ReportS1

Tonight, Stephen sits down with Congressional Quarterly columnist Craig Crawford and previews the war on Christmas.
12/07/2005
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03:14

The Word - Hell, No!
The Colbert ReportS1

Americans aren't willing to just give Hugo Chavez their hearts and minds, but they'll trade them for oil.
12/07/2005
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04:46

Burritos Happy Holidays
The Colbert ReportS1

Stephen finds a blatant example of anti-Christmas secularism run amok.
12/07/2005
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05:33

ThreatDown - Threats
The Colbert ReportS1

Another terrorist attack is "inevitable" now that the 9/11 Commission has told the terrorists it is.
12/07/2005
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