The Colbert Report

Intro - 12/5/05

Season 1 • 12/05/2005

Why must we honor people so lazy they spread their achievements over a lifetime?

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Watching

04:49

The Colbert ReportS1
Richard Clarke

Former counterterrorism czar Richard Clarke discusses his new book of fiction, "The Scorpion's Gate."
12/01/2005
02:15

The Colbert ReportS1
Giant Gold Washer

The Winter Olympics are Stephen's favorite time of the every four years.
12/01/2005
01:31

The Colbert ReportS1
Face Transplant

Stephen honors the heroes who toil to plump our sunken cheeks, hoist our drooping buttocks and thread serrated plastic sutures through the fatty layers beneath our necks.
12/01/2005
04:04

The Colbert ReportS1
Tip/Wag - Seattle

Something crashes in Seattle, and this time it's not Windows 98.
12/01/2005
04:03

The Colbert ReportS1
Kennedy Center Honors

Stephen doesn't understand why Ted Kennedy gets to decide who the best artists are in this country.
12/05/2005
02:37

The Colbert ReportS1
This Week in History - December 4th-10th

Prohibition ended when Utah ratified the 21st Amendment -- no surprise considering the booze-drenched land of debauchery Utah has become.
12/05/2005
01:51

The Colbert ReportS1
Colbert Nation Citizen Award

Lock your doors and windows, America. There's an escaped criminal on the loose.
12/05/2005
05:21

The Colbert ReportS1
Maureen Dowd

Maureen Dowd proves that when you send a woman to do a man's job, they wind up abolishing men.
12/05/2005
01:50

The Colbert ReportS1
Apology

Bobby breaks away from the pack in the horserace of shame.
12/05/2005
03:49

The Colbert ReportS1
The Word - XMas

Wishing a non-believer "Merry Christmas" is no different than inviting a foreign exchange student to a Fourth of July barbeque
12/05/2005
00:37

The Colbert ReportS1
Intro - 12/5/05

Tonight, Stephen covers the Kennedy Center awards and asks Maureen Dowd if he's necessary.
12/05/2005
05:53

The Colbert ReportS1
Anderson Cooper

Stephen is getting tired of all the comparisons between himself and Anderson Cooper.
12/06/2005
02:35

The Colbert ReportS1
The Word - Backsies

The free ride is over now that corporations are adopting the beloved childhood ritual of backsies.
12/06/2005
00:31

The Colbert ReportS1
Season of Giving

Stephen frowns on nameless acts of charity because they're the coward's way out.
12/06/2005
07:00

The Colbert ReportS1
Better Know a District - Virginia's 8th - Jim Moran

There is nothing Stephen can do to get Jim Moran to take a swing at him.
12/06/2005
00:09

The Colbert ReportS1
Fract - The Star Spangled Banner

It's a common misconception that Francis Scott Key wrote "The Star Spangled Banner."
12/06/2005
00:38

The Colbert ReportS1
Intro - 12/6/05

Stephen Colbert introduces tonight's topics, including Americans dying poor and ABC's new anchors. Plus, Representative Jim Moran and Anderson Cooper stop by.
12/06/2005
00:36

The Colbert ReportS1
Intro - 12/7/05

Tonight, Stephen sits down with Congressional Quarterly columnist Craig Crawford and previews the war on Christmas.
12/07/2005
03:14

The Colbert ReportS1
The Word - Hell, No!

Americans aren't willing to just give Hugo Chavez their hearts and minds, but they'll trade them for oil.
12/07/2005
04:46

The Colbert ReportS1
Burritos Happy Holidays

Stephen finds a blatant example of anti-Christmas secularism run amok.
12/07/2005
05:33

The Colbert ReportS1
ThreatDown - Threats

Another terrorist attack is "inevitable" now that the 9/11 Commission has told the terrorists it is.
12/07/2005
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