The Colbert Report
Guns for Roses
Season 5 • 03/03/2009
If Stephen keeps his gun, he can get as many roses as he wants.
Snow in the StudioThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen questions the wisdom of his retractable dome after a Nor'easter dumps snow in the studio.
Conservative Rap Battle - Michael Steele Gets ServedThe Colbert ReportS5
Maybe Michael Steele doesn't understand the rules of a rap battle.
David ByrneThe Colbert ReportS5
Late at night, who does David Byrne fear David Byrne is?
P.K. Winsome - Defective Obama CollectiblesThe Colbert ReportS5
P.K. Winsome refuses to apologize for his faulty Obama collectibles from an undisclosed location.
Beer Pong Herpes OutbreakThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen knew there was a correlation between beer pong and herpes, he just didn't know it could happen during the game.
Mark BittmanThe Colbert ReportS5
Mark Bittman says we eat without thinking about what is good for us, and what's good for the planet.
The Murderer Was DerekThe Colbert ReportS5
For those of you just tuning in, the murderer was Derek.
Space Module: Colbert - Name NASA's Node 3 After StephenThe Colbert ReportS5
Colbert Nation is officially mobilized to get NASA's new space station node named "Colbert."
Intro - 3/3/09The Colbert ReportS5
President Obama taxes the rich to pay for universal health care, and South Carolina may finally end gun prostitution.
The Word - Share the WealthThe Colbert ReportS5
If we're paying for the poor's health care, we need to make sure they stay healthy.
Guns for RosesThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen doesn't like the idea of putting all these roses out on the streets with their pointy thorns.
Carl WilsonThe Colbert ReportS5
Carl Wilson tries to understand the popularity of Celine Dion in "Let's Talk About Love."
Intro - 3/4/09The Colbert ReportS5
Will NASA name part of the space station after Stephen if he changes his name to Stephen Urine Filtration System?
Space Module: Colbert - Scientology's New Galactic OverlordThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen is ahead of Xenu in NASA's space station module votes, making him Scientology's new galactic overlord.
Doom Bunker - Jack Jacobs and Stephen MooreThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen makes up horrific doomsday scenarios for Jack Jacobs and Stephen Moore to discuss.
Doom Bunker - Glenn Beck's "War Room"The Colbert ReportS5
Stephen encourages Glenn Beck to crank up the crazy and rip off the knob.
Obama's Swing SetThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen has to respect Barack Obama for putting together a swing set on the South Lawn.
Steven JohnsonThe Colbert ReportS5
Steven Johnson talks about Joseph Priestley, the man who first realized that plants actually create the oxygen we breathe.
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