The Colbert Report

Guns for Roses

Season 5 • 03/03/2009

If Stephen keeps his gun, he can get as many roses as he wants.

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01:01

Snow in the Studio
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen questions the wisdom of his retractable dome after a Nor'easter dumps snow in the studio.
03/02/2009
04:27

Conservative Rap Battle - Michael Steele Gets Served
The Colbert ReportS5

Maybe Michael Steele doesn't understand the rules of a rap battle.
03/02/2009
04:55

David Byrne
The Colbert ReportS5

Late at night, who does David Byrne fear David Byrne is?
03/02/2009
05:37

P.K. Winsome - Defective Obama Collectibles
The Colbert ReportS5

P.K. Winsome refuses to apologize for his faulty Obama collectibles from an undisclosed location.
03/02/2009
04:18

Beer Pong Herpes Outbreak
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen knew there was a correlation between beer pong and herpes, he just didn't know it could happen during the game.
03/03/2009
06:00

Mark Bittman
The Colbert ReportS5

Mark Bittman says we eat without thinking about what is good for us, and what's good for the planet.
03/03/2009
00:14

The Murderer Was Derek
The Colbert ReportS5

For those of you just tuning in, the murderer was Derek.
03/03/2009
02:27

Space Module: Colbert - Name NASA's Node 3 After Stephen
The Colbert ReportS5

Colbert Nation is officially mobilized to get NASA's new space station node named "Colbert."
03/03/2009
00:34

Intro - 3/3/09
The Colbert ReportS5

President Obama taxes the rich to pay for universal health care, and South Carolina may finally end gun prostitution.
03/03/2009
04:20

The Word - Share the Wealth
The Colbert ReportS5

If we're paying for the poor's health care, we need to make sure they stay healthy.
03/03/2009
01:48

Guns for Roses
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen doesn't like the idea of putting all these roses out on the streets with their pointy thorns.
03/03/2009
04:28

Carl Wilson
The Colbert ReportS5

Carl Wilson tries to understand the popularity of Celine Dion in "Let's Talk About Love."
03/04/2009
00:31

Intro - 3/4/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Will NASA name part of the space station after Stephen if he changes his name to Stephen Urine Filtration System?
03/04/2009
03:53

Space Module: Colbert - Scientology's New Galactic Overlord
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen is ahead of Xenu in NASA's space station module votes, making him Scientology's new galactic overlord.
03/04/2009
07:12

Doom Bunker - Jack Jacobs and Stephen Moore
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen makes up horrific doomsday scenarios for Jack Jacobs and Stephen Moore to discuss.
03/04/2009
00:03

Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS5

That's it for the show, everybody.
03/04/2009
04:07

Doom Bunker - Glenn Beck's "War Room"
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen encourages Glenn Beck to crank up the crazy and rip off the knob.
03/04/2009
01:24

Obama's Swing Set
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen has to respect Barack Obama for putting together a swing set on the South Lawn.
03/05/2009
00:10

Leave You Wanting More
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen likes to leave you wanting more.
03/05/2009
05:28

Steven Johnson
The Colbert ReportS5

Steven Johnson talks about Joseph Priestley, the man who first realized that plants actually create the oxygen we breathe.
03/05/2009
00:26

Intro - 3/5/09
The Colbert ReportS5

The Obama administration goes after pundits. John King, set your magic screen to stun.
03/05/2009
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