YOUR FAVORITE COMEDY CENTRAL SHOWS ARE ON PARAMOUNT+
GET PARAMOUNT+
Home
Shows
Awkwafina is Nora from Queens
Mike Judge's Beavis & Butt-Head
Comedy Central Roasts
Crank Yankers
The Daily Show
RENO 911!
South Park
Stephen Colbert Presents Tooning Out the News
ALL SHOWS
FULL EPISODES
PLUTO TV
TV Schedule
LIVE TV
Stand-Up
Digital Originals
Original Movies
A Clüsterfünke Christmas
Cursed Friends
Hot Mess Holiday
Out Of Office
Reno 911!: It's A Wonderful Heist
All Movies
App
SHOP
The Daily Show Shop
South Park Shop
Comedy Central Shop
The Colbert Report
Menu
Episodes & Videos
About
The Colbert Report
Guns for Roses
Season 5 • 03/03/2009
If Stephen keeps his gun, he can get as many roses as he wants.
More
Watching
01:01
The Colbert Report
S5
Snow in the Studio
Stephen questions the wisdom of his retractable dome after a Nor'easter dumps snow in the studio.
03/02/2009
04:27
The Colbert Report
S5
Conservative Rap Battle - Michael Steele Gets Served
Maybe Michael Steele doesn't understand the rules of a rap battle.
03/02/2009
04:55
The Colbert Report
S5
David Byrne
Late at night, who does David Byrne fear David Byrne is?
03/02/2009
05:37
The Colbert Report
S5
P.K. Winsome - Defective Obama Collectibles
P.K. Winsome refuses to apologize for his faulty Obama collectibles from an undisclosed location.
03/02/2009
04:18
The Colbert Report
S5
Beer Pong Herpes Outbreak
Stephen knew there was a correlation between beer pong and herpes, he just didn't know it could happen during the game.
03/03/2009
06:00
The Colbert Report
S5
Mark Bittman
Mark Bittman says we eat without thinking about what is good for us, and what's good for the planet.
03/03/2009
00:14
The Colbert Report
S5
The Murderer Was Derek
For those of you just tuning in, the murderer was Derek.
03/03/2009
02:27
The Colbert Report
S5
Space Module: Colbert - Name NASA's Node 3 After Stephen
Colbert Nation is officially mobilized to get NASA's new space station node named "Colbert."
03/03/2009
00:34
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 3/3/09
President Obama taxes the rich to pay for universal health care, and South Carolina may finally end gun prostitution.
03/03/2009
04:20
The Colbert Report
S5
The Word - Share the Wealth
If we're paying for the poor's health care, we need to make sure they stay healthy.
03/03/2009
01:48
The Colbert Report
S5
Guns for Roses
Stephen doesn't like the idea of putting all these roses out on the streets with their pointy thorns.
03/03/2009
04:28
The Colbert Report
S5
Carl Wilson
Carl Wilson tries to understand the popularity of Celine Dion in "Let's Talk About Love."
03/04/2009
00:31
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 3/4/09
Will NASA name part of the space station after Stephen if he changes his name to Stephen Urine Filtration System?
03/04/2009
03:53
The Colbert Report
S5
Space Module: Colbert - Scientology's New Galactic Overlord
Stephen is ahead of Xenu in NASA's space station module votes, making him Scientology's new galactic overlord.
03/04/2009
07:12
The Colbert Report
S5
Doom Bunker - Jack Jacobs and Stephen Moore
Stephen makes up horrific doomsday scenarios for Jack Jacobs and Stephen Moore to discuss.
03/04/2009
00:03
The Colbert Report
S5
Goodnight
That's it for the show, everybody.
03/04/2009
04:07
The Colbert Report
S5
Doom Bunker - Glenn Beck's "War Room"
Stephen encourages Glenn Beck to crank up the crazy and rip off the knob.
03/04/2009
01:24
The Colbert Report
S5
Obama's Swing Set
Stephen has to respect Barack Obama for putting together a swing set on the South Lawn.
03/05/2009
00:10
The Colbert Report
S5
Leave You Wanting More
Stephen likes to leave you wanting more.
03/05/2009
05:28
The Colbert Report
S5
Steven Johnson
Steven Johnson talks about Joseph Priestley, the man who first realized that plants actually create the oxygen we breathe.
03/05/2009
00:26
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 3/5/09
The Obama administration goes after pundits. John King, set your magic screen to stun.
03/05/2009
You may also like
5 Videos
Trailer
00:30
South Park
S26
There's No Place Like South Park
It's feeling a lot like home on an all-new season of South Park, premiering Wednesday, February 8, at 10/9c.
01/26/2023
Trailer
00:15
Mike Judge's Beavis & Butt-Head
S1
Mike Judge's Beavis & Butt-Head Is Back
Your favorite Texas slackers are ready for more mayhem when Mike Judge's Beavis & Butt-Head arrives on Wednesday, February 8, at 10:30/9:30c.
01/26/2023
Trailer
00:15
South Park
S26
Brace Yourself for New South Park Adventures
Cartman, Stan, Kyle and Kenny are back for a new season of South Park, premiering Wednesday, February 8, at 10/9c.
01/23/2023
Trailer
01:00
Fires and Full Moons Breed a New Terror on Wolf Pack
A California wildfire awakens a werewolf, but a group of curious teens -- once bitten -- will not shy away from the threat of decimation on Wolf Pack, streaming January 26 on Paramount+.
10/12/2022
Trailer
02:29
A Familiar Face Returns in Teen Wolf: The Movie
Derek Hale finds himself fighting for his life when a skilled hunter tracks down him and his son Eli in Teen Wolf: The Movie, premiering Thursday, January 26, 2023, on Paramount+.
10/12/2022