The Colbert Report

Guns for Roses

Season 5 • 03/03/2009

If Stephen keeps his gun, he can get as many roses as he wants.

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Watching

01:01

The Colbert ReportS5
Snow in the Studio

Stephen questions the wisdom of his retractable dome after a Nor'easter dumps snow in the studio.
03/02/2009
04:27

The Colbert ReportS5
Conservative Rap Battle - Michael Steele Gets Served

Maybe Michael Steele doesn't understand the rules of a rap battle.
03/02/2009
04:55

The Colbert ReportS5
David Byrne

Late at night, who does David Byrne fear David Byrne is?
03/02/2009
05:37

The Colbert ReportS5
P.K. Winsome - Defective Obama Collectibles

P.K. Winsome refuses to apologize for his faulty Obama collectibles from an undisclosed location.
03/02/2009
04:18

The Colbert ReportS5
Beer Pong Herpes Outbreak

Stephen knew there was a correlation between beer pong and herpes, he just didn't know it could happen during the game.
03/03/2009
06:00

The Colbert ReportS5
Mark Bittman

Mark Bittman says we eat without thinking about what is good for us, and what's good for the planet.
03/03/2009
00:14

The Colbert ReportS5
The Murderer Was Derek

For those of you just tuning in, the murderer was Derek.
03/03/2009
02:27

The Colbert ReportS5
Space Module: Colbert - Name NASA's Node 3 After Stephen

Colbert Nation is officially mobilized to get NASA's new space station node named "Colbert."
03/03/2009
00:34

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 3/3/09

President Obama taxes the rich to pay for universal health care, and South Carolina may finally end gun prostitution.
03/03/2009
04:20

The Colbert ReportS5
The Word - Share the Wealth

If we're paying for the poor's health care, we need to make sure they stay healthy.
03/03/2009
01:48

The Colbert ReportS5
Guns for Roses

Stephen doesn't like the idea of putting all these roses out on the streets with their pointy thorns.
03/03/2009
04:28

The Colbert ReportS5
Carl Wilson

Carl Wilson tries to understand the popularity of Celine Dion in "Let's Talk About Love."
03/04/2009
00:31

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 3/4/09

Will NASA name part of the space station after Stephen if he changes his name to Stephen Urine Filtration System?
03/04/2009
03:53

The Colbert ReportS5
Space Module: Colbert - Scientology's New Galactic Overlord

Stephen is ahead of Xenu in NASA's space station module votes, making him Scientology's new galactic overlord.
03/04/2009
07:12

The Colbert ReportS5
Doom Bunker - Jack Jacobs and Stephen Moore

Stephen makes up horrific doomsday scenarios for Jack Jacobs and Stephen Moore to discuss.
03/04/2009
00:03

The Colbert ReportS5
Goodnight

That's it for the show, everybody.
03/04/2009
04:07

The Colbert ReportS5
Doom Bunker - Glenn Beck's "War Room"

Stephen encourages Glenn Beck to crank up the crazy and rip off the knob.
03/04/2009
01:24

The Colbert ReportS5
Obama's Swing Set

Stephen has to respect Barack Obama for putting together a swing set on the South Lawn.
03/05/2009
00:10

The Colbert ReportS5
Leave You Wanting More

Stephen likes to leave you wanting more.
03/05/2009
05:28

The Colbert ReportS5
Steven Johnson

Steven Johnson talks about Joseph Priestley, the man who first realized that plants actually create the oxygen we breathe.
03/05/2009
00:26

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 3/5/09

The Obama administration goes after pundits. John King, set your magic screen to stun.
03/05/2009
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