The Colbert Report

Clarence Thomas' New Job

Season 5 • 04/14/2009

Justice Clarence Thomas should be appointed the job he clearly wants: Maytag repairman.

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04:42

The Enemy Within - Hedgehogs
The Colbert ReportS5

Hedgehogs were illegal in Kansas until one obsessed 10-year-old played the cute card.
04/09/2009
00:24

Stephen's Severed Head
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen earns 2,634 weeks of workers' comp for severing his head.
04/09/2009
06:30

Bart Ehrman
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen discusses Bart Ehrman's theory that the Bible contradicts itself.
04/09/2009
02:19

Workers' Comp Temptation
The Colbert ReportS5

The New York Times' worker's compensation chart for severed limbs continues to tempt Stephen.
04/09/2009
05:38

ThreatDown - Robert Gates, Dog Seders & Obama
The Colbert ReportS5

Robert Gates chops our defense budget, dogs get their own Seders, and Obama bows before the Saudi king.
04/09/2009
00:36

Intro - 4/14/09
The Colbert ReportS5

The government tries to regulate small loans, and Susie Orbach wants us to rethink our body image.
04/14/2009
04:33

Susie Orbach
The Colbert ReportS5

If Susie Orbach drops five pounds, she could be talking about her book "Bodies" on The Daily Show.
04/14/2009
06:33

Space Module: Colbert - Sunita Williams
The Colbert ReportS5

However far the space station goes, Stephen's treadmill will always have gone a few miles more.
04/14/2009
04:16

The Word - Have Your Cake And Eat It, Too
The Colbert ReportS5

The Payday Loan Reform Act drags the payday loan industry out of the darkness and into the anemic firefly flicker of nominal oversight.
04/14/2009
00:07

Goodnight, Helen
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen wishes Helen a good night.
04/14/2009
03:56

Clarence Thomas' New Job
The Colbert ReportS5

Justice Clarence Thomas appreciates the little things in life, like the miracle of dishwashers.
04/14/2009
06:59

Better Know a District - Illinois' 18th - Aaron Schock
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen may have chemistry with Congressman Aaron Schock, but he's keeping it professional.
04/15/2009
01:53

Obama Denies Habeas Corpus
The Colbert ReportS5

Barack Obama helps America escape from the Bill of Rights lovers who keep humping the leg of habeas corpus.
04/15/2009
00:26

Homework Assignment
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen wants a summary of the show with special emphasis on theme and literary devices on his desk tomorrow morning.
04/15/2009
03:40

Tax Atax
The Colbert ReportS5

Glenn Beck holds his tea party in the only location that makes sense: the Alamo.
04/15/2009
00:34

Intro - 4/15/09
The Colbert ReportS5

It's tax day, or as many Americans call it, "Oh my God, it's 11:30."
04/15/2009
06:29

Jim Lehrer
The Colbert ReportS5

It takes real courage for Jim Lehrer to be boring five nights a week on television.
04/15/2009
00:29

Intro - 4/16/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Gay marriage threatens New York. On the plus side, Stephen will finally be able to marry himself.
04/16/2009
05:06

Indian Elections - Kanishk Tharoor
The Colbert ReportS5

Kanishk Tharoor describes India's beautifully choreographed dance of democracy.
04/16/2009
06:11

The Colbert Coalition's Anti-Gay Marriage Ad
The Colbert ReportS5

There's a giant gay storm gathering, and before long the winds will be blowing each other.
04/16/2009
00:03

Goodnight Salute
The Colbert ReportS5

Goodnight, everybody.
04/16/2009
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