The Colbert Report

Clarence Thomas' New Job

Season 5 • 04/14/2009

Justice Clarence Thomas should be appointed the job he clearly wants: Maytag repairman.

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Watching

04:42

The Colbert ReportS5
The Enemy Within - Hedgehogs

Hedgehogs were illegal in Kansas until one obsessed 10-year-old played the cute card.
04/09/2009
00:24

The Colbert ReportS5
Stephen's Severed Head

Stephen earns 2,634 weeks of workers' comp for severing his head.
04/09/2009
06:30

The Colbert ReportS5
Bart Ehrman

Stephen discusses Bart Ehrman's theory that the Bible contradicts itself.
04/09/2009
02:19

The Colbert ReportS5
Workers' Comp Temptation

The New York Times' worker's compensation chart for severed limbs continues to tempt Stephen.
04/09/2009
05:38

The Colbert ReportS5
ThreatDown - Robert Gates, Dog Seders & Obama

Robert Gates chops our defense budget, dogs get their own Seders, and Obama bows before the Saudi king.
04/09/2009
00:36

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 4/14/09

The government tries to regulate small loans, and Susie Orbach wants us to rethink our body image.
04/14/2009
04:33

The Colbert ReportS5
Susie Orbach

If Susie Orbach drops five pounds, she could be talking about her book "Bodies" on The Daily Show.
04/14/2009
06:33

The Colbert ReportS5
Space Module: Colbert - Sunita Williams

However far the space station goes, Stephen's treadmill will always have gone a few miles more.
04/14/2009
04:16

The Colbert ReportS5
The Word - Have Your Cake And Eat It, Too

The Payday Loan Reform Act drags the payday loan industry out of the darkness and into the anemic firefly flicker of nominal oversight.
04/14/2009
00:07

The Colbert ReportS5
Goodnight, Helen

Stephen wishes Helen a good night.
04/14/2009
03:56

The Colbert ReportS5
Clarence Thomas' New Job

Justice Clarence Thomas appreciates the little things in life, like the miracle of dishwashers.
04/14/2009
06:59

The Colbert ReportS5
Better Know a District - Illinois' 18th - Aaron Schock

Stephen may have chemistry with Congressman Aaron Schock, but he's keeping it professional.
04/15/2009
01:53

The Colbert ReportS5
Obama Denies Habeas Corpus

Barack Obama helps America escape from the Bill of Rights lovers who keep humping the leg of habeas corpus.
04/15/2009
00:26

The Colbert ReportS5
Homework Assignment

Stephen wants a summary of the show with special emphasis on theme and literary devices on his desk tomorrow morning.
04/15/2009
03:40

The Colbert ReportS5
Tax Atax

Glenn Beck holds his tea party in the only location that makes sense: the Alamo.
04/15/2009
00:34

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 4/15/09

It's tax day, or as many Americans call it, "Oh my God, it's 11:30."
04/15/2009
06:29

The Colbert ReportS5
Jim Lehrer

It takes real courage for Jim Lehrer to be boring five nights a week on television.
04/15/2009
00:29

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 4/16/09

Gay marriage threatens New York. On the plus side, Stephen will finally be able to marry himself.
04/16/2009
05:06

The Colbert ReportS5
Indian Elections - Kanishk Tharoor

Kanishk Tharoor describes India's beautifully choreographed dance of democracy.
04/16/2009
06:11

The Colbert ReportS5
The Colbert Coalition's Anti-Gay Marriage Ad

There's a giant gay storm gathering, and before long the winds will be blowing each other.
04/16/2009
00:03

The Colbert ReportS5
Goodnight Salute

Goodnight, everybody.
04/16/2009
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