The Colbert Report
Season 5 • 04/14/2009
Issues like the economy and government aren't worthwhile if Stephen is fat and ugly.
The Enemy Within - HedgehogsThe Colbert ReportS5
Hedgehogs were illegal in Kansas until one obsessed 10-year-old played the cute card.
Stephen's Severed HeadThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen earns 2,634 weeks of workers' comp for severing his head.
Bart EhrmanThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen discusses Bart Ehrman's theory that the Bible contradicts itself.
Workers' Comp TemptationThe Colbert ReportS5
The New York Times' worker's compensation chart for severed limbs continues to tempt Stephen.
ThreatDown - Robert Gates, Dog Seders & ObamaThe Colbert ReportS5
Robert Gates chops our defense budget, dogs get their own Seders, and Obama bows before the Saudi king.
Intro - 4/14/09The Colbert ReportS5
The government tries to regulate small loans, and Susie Orbach wants us to rethink our body image.
Space Module: Colbert - Sunita WilliamsThe Colbert ReportS5
However far the space station goes, Stephen's treadmill will always have gone a few miles more.
The Word - Have Your Cake And Eat It, TooThe Colbert ReportS5
The Payday Loan Reform Act drags the payday loan industry out of the darkness and into the anemic firefly flicker of nominal oversight.
Clarence Thomas' New JobThe Colbert ReportS5
Justice Clarence Thomas appreciates the little things in life, like the miracle of dishwashers.
Susie OrbachThe Colbert ReportS5
If Susie Orbach drops five pounds, she could be talking about her book "Bodies" on The Daily Show.
Better Know a District - Illinois' 18th - Aaron SchockThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen may have chemistry with Congressman Aaron Schock, but he's keeping it professional.
Obama Denies Habeas CorpusThe Colbert ReportS5
Barack Obama helps America escape from the Bill of Rights lovers who keep humping the leg of habeas corpus.
Homework AssignmentThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen wants a summary of the show with special emphasis on theme and literary devices on his desk tomorrow morning.
Tax AtaxThe Colbert ReportS5
Glenn Beck holds his tea party in the only location that makes sense: the Alamo.
Intro - 4/15/09The Colbert ReportS5
It's tax day, or as many Americans call it, "Oh my God, it's 11:30."
Jim LehrerThe Colbert ReportS5
It takes real courage for Jim Lehrer to be boring five nights a week on television.
Intro - 4/16/09The Colbert ReportS5
Gay marriage threatens New York. On the plus side, Stephen will finally be able to marry himself.
Indian Elections - Kanishk TharoorThe Colbert ReportS5
Kanishk Tharoor describes India's beautifully choreographed dance of democracy.
The Colbert Coalition's Anti-Gay Marriage AdThe Colbert ReportS5
There's a giant gay storm gathering, and before long the winds will be blowing each other.
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