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The Colbert Report
Homework Assignment
Season 5 • 04/15/2009
Stephen expects a summary of tonight's episode on his desk tomorrow morning.
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Watching
04:33
The Colbert Report
S5
Susie Orbach
If Susie Orbach drops five pounds, she could be talking about her book "Bodies" on The Daily Show.
04/14/2009
06:33
The Colbert Report
S5
Space Module: Colbert - Sunita Williams
However far the space station goes, Stephen's treadmill will always have gone a few miles more.
04/14/2009
04:16
The Colbert Report
S5
The Word - Have Your Cake And Eat It, Too
The Payday Loan Reform Act drags the payday loan industry out of the darkness and into the anemic firefly flicker of nominal oversight.
04/14/2009
00:07
The Colbert Report
S5
Goodnight, Helen
Stephen wishes Helen a good night.
04/14/2009
03:56
The Colbert Report
S5
Clarence Thomas' New Job
Justice Clarence Thomas appreciates the little things in life, like the miracle of dishwashers.
04/14/2009
06:59
The Colbert Report
S5
Better Know a District - Illinois' 18th - Aaron Schock
Stephen may have chemistry with Congressman Aaron Schock, but he's keeping it professional.
04/15/2009
01:53
The Colbert Report
S5
Obama Denies Habeas Corpus
Barack Obama helps America escape from the Bill of Rights lovers who keep humping the leg of habeas corpus.
04/15/2009
03:40
The Colbert Report
S5
Tax Atax
Glenn Beck holds his tea party in the only location that makes sense: the Alamo.
04/15/2009
00:34
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 4/15/09
It's tax day, or as many Americans call it, "Oh my God, it's 11:30."
04/15/2009
06:29
The Colbert Report
S5
Jim Lehrer
It takes real courage for Jim Lehrer to be boring five nights a week on television.
04/15/2009
00:26
The Colbert Report
S5
Homework Assignment
Stephen wants a summary of the show with special emphasis on theme and literary devices on his desk tomorrow morning.
04/15/2009
00:29
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 4/16/09
Gay marriage threatens New York. On the plus side, Stephen will finally be able to marry himself.
04/16/2009
05:06
The Colbert Report
S5
Indian Elections - Kanishk Tharoor
Kanishk Tharoor describes India's beautifully choreographed dance of democracy.
04/16/2009
06:11
The Colbert Report
S5
The Colbert Coalition's Anti-Gay Marriage Ad
There's a giant gay storm gathering, and before long the winds will be blowing each other.
04/16/2009
00:03
The Colbert Report
S5
Goodnight Salute
Goodnight, everybody.
04/16/2009
06:01
The Colbert Report
S5
Douglas Kmiec
Douglas Kmiec doesn't want the state to adopt any religion's perspective and impose it on Americans.
04/16/2009
02:11
The Colbert Report
S5
Teabagging Protests
Perverts sully the patriotic act of a taxpayer rising up, standing over his government and delivering his opinion into the mouth of power.
04/16/2009
07:00
The Colbert Report
S5
Joe Arpaio
Sheriff Joe Arpaio denies that he focuses too much on illegal immigration.
04/20/2009
02:52
The Colbert Report
S5
Maersk Alabama - Ken Quinn
Second Mate Ken Quinn and Stephen are returning to sea to hunt pirates in a two-man paddleboat.
04/20/2009
00:16
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen's Only Regrets
Stephen's only regret is all the great stuff that was cut out because the audience wouldn't stop cheering.
04/20/2009
03:17
The Colbert Report
S5
Anger's Aweigh
Granting vigilantes the right to shoot pirates on the high seas is the free market at its best.
04/20/2009
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