The Colbert Report

The Word - Keeping Our Heads

Season 5 • 03/18/2009

Stephen suggests a fight to the death among the CEOs of failing institutes.

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Watching

03:34

Shout Out - The Colbert Report Overseas
The Colbert ReportS5

The Colbert Report is definitely going to visit our troops sometime in the near or distant future -- or past.
03/17/2009
00:32

Intro - 3/17/09
The Colbert ReportS5

How will the wealthy weather the economic crisis? Easy, they have weather-control machines.
03/17/2009
05:04

World of Nahlej - Shmeat
The Colbert ReportS5

PETA funds a scientist developing meat from tissue culture.
03/17/2009
05:51

David Grann
The Colbert ReportS5

David Grann follows the footsteps of an explorer searching for a lost civilization.
03/17/2009
04:20

Colbert Aluminum - Cigar Nubs, Faux Poor & Blixseth
The Colbert ReportS5

Cigars get shorter, the British elite act poor, and Tim Blixseth sells his private island.
03/17/2009
00:31

Intro - 3/18/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Scientists dig up something unexpected, and no, it's not a social life.
03/18/2009
03:36

Tip/Wag - Mississippi, Talk Shows & SyFy
The Colbert ReportS5

Mississippi ends child selling, talk shows move to Connecticut, and the SciFi Channel changes its name.
03/18/2009
00:11

Sam's Club Time
The Colbert ReportS5

That's it for time until Stephen runs to Sam's Club and picks up some more.
03/18/2009
01:24

Predator X Discovery
The Colbert ReportS5

Jesus buried the bones of Predator X under the ocean 6,000 years ago to test our faith.
03/18/2009
06:50

Juan Cole
The Colbert ReportS5

Juan Cole doesn't advocate a soft approach, but he wants to take the Muslim world's views into account.
03/18/2009
07:10

The Word - Keeping Our Heads
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen propses that CEOs be stripped naked and locked together in a Thunderdome scenario with screaming taxpayer spectators.
03/18/2009
03:17

Bill Posey Alligator Rumors
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen demands a DNA test to determine whether Congressman Bill Posey is part alligator.
03/19/2009
03:42

When Animals Attack Our Morals - Chimps, Lizards & Spiders
The Colbert ReportS5

A chimp throws rocks at Swedes, male lizards imitate females, and spiders perform miracles.
03/19/2009
00:36

Intro - 3/19/09
The Colbert ReportS5

A new bill would require presidential candidates to produce birth records. Mitt Romney, you can just show your serial number.
03/19/2009
05:45

John McCardell
The Colbert ReportS5

John McCardell believes the current drinking age law drives alcohol consumption out of public view, putting young people at greater risk.
03/19/2009
06:07

Conservative Rap Battle - Michael Steele's Response
The Colbert ReportS5

In accordance with hip-hop's longstanding fairness doctrine, Stephen presents Michael Steele's rap response, remixed on behalf of Michael Steele.
03/19/2009
00:23

Space Module: Colbert - Vote Now
The Colbert ReportS5

Don't forget to vote for NASA's space node to be named after Stephen.
03/19/2009
06:04

Derrick Pitts
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen handles Derrick Pitt's replica of Galileo's telescope with special magic gloves.
03/30/2009
03:18

Space Module: Colbert - Democracy in Orbit
The Colbert ReportS5

Representative Chaka Fattah insists that Stephen won the NASA node-naming contest fair and square.
03/30/2009
03:51

Me Time - Emily Yoffe on Narcissistic Personality Disorder
The Colbert ReportS5

What's wrong with thinking that you are better than everyone else if it's the truth?
03/30/2009
00:11

30 Minute Applause
The Colbert ReportS5

Late viewers, just pretend that you applauded for Stephen for 30 minutes.
03/30/2009
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