The Colbert Report
The Word - Keeping Our Heads
Season 5 • 03/18/2009
Stephen suggests a fight to the death among the CEOs of failing institutes.
Shout Out - The Colbert Report OverseasThe Colbert ReportS5
The Colbert Report is definitely going to visit our troops sometime in the near or distant future -- or past.
Intro - 3/17/09The Colbert ReportS5
How will the wealthy weather the economic crisis? Easy, they have weather-control machines.
World of Nahlej - ShmeatThe Colbert ReportS5
PETA funds a scientist developing meat from tissue culture.
David GrannThe Colbert ReportS5
David Grann follows the footsteps of an explorer searching for a lost civilization.
Colbert Aluminum - Cigar Nubs, Faux Poor & BlixsethThe Colbert ReportS5
Cigars get shorter, the British elite act poor, and Tim Blixseth sells his private island.
Intro - 3/18/09The Colbert ReportS5
Scientists dig up something unexpected, and no, it's not a social life.
Tip/Wag - Mississippi, Talk Shows & SyFyThe Colbert ReportS5
Mississippi ends child selling, talk shows move to Connecticut, and the SciFi Channel changes its name.
Sam's Club TimeThe Colbert ReportS5
That's it for time until Stephen runs to Sam's Club and picks up some more.
Predator X DiscoveryThe Colbert ReportS5
Jesus buried the bones of Predator X under the ocean 6,000 years ago to test our faith.
Juan ColeThe Colbert ReportS5
Juan Cole doesn't advocate a soft approach, but he wants to take the Muslim world's views into account.
The Word - Keeping Our HeadsThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen propses that CEOs be stripped naked and locked together in a Thunderdome scenario with screaming taxpayer spectators.
Bill Posey Alligator RumorsThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen demands a DNA test to determine whether Congressman Bill Posey is part alligator.
When Animals Attack Our Morals - Chimps, Lizards & SpidersThe Colbert ReportS5
A chimp throws rocks at Swedes, male lizards imitate females, and spiders perform miracles.
Intro - 3/19/09The Colbert ReportS5
A new bill would require presidential candidates to produce birth records. Mitt Romney, you can just show your serial number.
John McCardellThe Colbert ReportS5
John McCardell believes the current drinking age law drives alcohol consumption out of public view, putting young people at greater risk.
Conservative Rap Battle - Michael Steele's ResponseThe Colbert ReportS5
In accordance with hip-hop's longstanding fairness doctrine, Stephen presents Michael Steele's rap response, remixed on behalf of Michael Steele.
Space Module: Colbert - Vote NowThe Colbert ReportS5
Don't forget to vote for NASA's space node to be named after Stephen.
Derrick PittsThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen handles Derrick Pitt's replica of Galileo's telescope with special magic gloves.
Space Module: Colbert - Democracy in OrbitThe Colbert ReportS5
Representative Chaka Fattah insists that Stephen won the NASA node-naming contest fair and square.
Me Time - Emily Yoffe on Narcissistic Personality DisorderThe Colbert ReportS5
What's wrong with thinking that you are better than everyone else if it's the truth?
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