The Colbert Report

The Word - Keeping Our Heads

Season 5 • 03/18/2009

Stephen suggests a fight to the death among the CEOs of failing institutes.

More

Watching

03:34

Shout Out - The Colbert Report Overseas
The Colbert ReportS5

The Colbert Report is definitely going to visit our troops sometime in the near or distant future -- or past.
03/17/2009
00:32

Intro - 3/17/09
The Colbert ReportS5

How will the wealthy weather the economic crisis? Easy, they have weather-control machines.
03/17/2009
05:04

World of Nahlej - Shmeat
The Colbert ReportS5

PETA funds a scientist developing meat from tissue culture.
03/17/2009
05:51

David Grann
The Colbert ReportS5

David Grann follows the footsteps of an explorer searching for a lost civilization.
03/17/2009
04:20

Colbert Aluminum - Cigar Nubs, Faux Poor & Blixseth
The Colbert ReportS5

Cigars get shorter, the British elite act poor, and Tim Blixseth sells his private island.
03/17/2009
00:31

Intro - 3/18/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Scientists dig up something unexpected, and no, it's not a social life.
03/18/2009
03:36

Tip/Wag - Mississippi, Talk Shows & SyFy
The Colbert ReportS5

Mississippi ends child selling, talk shows move to Connecticut, and the SciFi Channel changes its name.
03/18/2009
00:11

Sam's Club Time
The Colbert ReportS5

That's it for time until Stephen runs to Sam's Club and picks up some more.
03/18/2009
01:24

Predator X Discovery
The Colbert ReportS5

Jesus buried the bones of Predator X under the ocean 6,000 years ago to test our faith.
03/18/2009
06:50

Juan Cole
The Colbert ReportS5

Juan Cole doesn't advocate a soft approach, but he wants to take the Muslim world's views into account.
03/18/2009
07:10

The Word - Keeping Our Heads
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen propses that CEOs be stripped naked and locked together in a Thunderdome scenario with screaming taxpayer spectators.
03/18/2009
03:17

Bill Posey Alligator Rumors
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen demands a DNA test to determine whether Congressman Bill Posey is part alligator.
03/19/2009
03:42

When Animals Attack Our Morals - Chimps, Lizards & Spiders
The Colbert ReportS5

A chimp throws rocks at Swedes, male lizards imitate females, and spiders perform miracles.
03/19/2009
00:36

Intro - 3/19/09
The Colbert ReportS5

A new bill would require presidential candidates to produce birth records. Mitt Romney, you can just show your serial number.
03/19/2009
05:45

John McCardell
The Colbert ReportS5

John McCardell believes the current drinking age law drives alcohol consumption out of public view, putting young people at greater risk.
03/19/2009
06:07

Conservative Rap Battle - Michael Steele's Response
The Colbert ReportS5

In accordance with hip-hop's longstanding fairness doctrine, Stephen presents Michael Steele's rap response, remixed on behalf of Michael Steele.
03/19/2009
00:23

Space Module: Colbert - Vote Now
The Colbert ReportS5

Don't forget to vote for NASA's space node to be named after Stephen.
03/19/2009
06:04

Derrick Pitts
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen handles Derrick Pitt's replica of Galileo's telescope with special magic gloves.
03/30/2009
03:18

Space Module: Colbert - Democracy in Orbit
The Colbert ReportS5

Representative Chaka Fattah insists that Stephen won the NASA node-naming contest fair and square.
03/30/2009
03:51

Me Time - Emily Yoffe on Narcissistic Personality Disorder
The Colbert ReportS5

What's wrong with thinking that you are better than everyone else if it's the truth?
03/30/2009
00:11

30 Minute Applause
The Colbert ReportS5

Late viewers, just pretend that you applauded for Stephen for 30 minutes.
03/30/2009
You may also like5 Videos
Trailer
01:00

Fires and Full Moons Breed a New Terror on Wolf Pack

A California wildfire awakens a werewolf, but a group of curious teens -- once bitten -- will not shy away from the threat of decimation on Wolf Pack, streaming January 26 on Paramount+.
10/12/2022
Trailer
01:41

This Game of M.A.S.H. Is a Real Monster in Cursed Friends
Cursed Friends

Four pals must break an evil spell and change their fates when a classic kid's game to predict the future comes back to haunt them in the Comedy Central original movie Cursed Friends.
10/10/2022
Trailer
01:22

Out of Office Explores Remote Work Absurdity
Out of Office

A young woman experiences the bizarre extremes of working from home in the film Out of Office, starring Milana Vayntrub, Ken Jeong, Jay Pharoah, Cheri Oteri, Jason Alexander and more.
09/19/2022
Trailer
00:35

A Front Row Seat to South Park The 25th Anniversary Concert
South ParkS25

Sing along to silly songs and classic symphonies from the show on South Park The 25th Anniversary Concert, premiering August 13 at 10/9c.
07/27/2022
Trailer
00:29

Diwali Gets Wild in Hot Mess Holiday
Hot Mess Holiday

Melanie Chandra and Surina Jindal embark on a zany weekend adventure during Diwali in the Comedy Central original movie Hot Mess Holiday, now streaming.
12/20/2021